Monday, January 10, 2011

{How do you Love}

Its 2 am and my fourteen year old comes bursting into my room yelling that there are cops at the door. I sleepily make my way down the stairs missing two or three and twisting my ankle.

I open the door and see the deputy and my 16 year old daughter. I'm really still asleep listening to the deputy chastise ME for my daughter sneaking out. Oh I'm sure he has the parenting skills of a saint. Now, since I do highly respect the law enforcement career, I smile and nod and listen to his sage advise.

He leaves, I spent three dazed minutes with my daughter, and go to bed sick to my stomach.

I feel violated. Its personal. I'm a woman, I'm human and I take things personally maybe to a fault.

Morning comes and I take care of the little ones , and while washing dishes Miss sweet 16 comes up to me and hugs me. She says Sorry. We have a short mother daughter chat.

Now I think to myself, that she does not know what unconditional love is. Even my 4 and 6 yr olds tell each other "If you let me play wht that toy, I will be your best friend". That is a very CONDITIONAL friendship, is it not?

How do I show her that I love her Unconditionally? I was blessed with parents who loved me, now maybe some days they didn't LIKE me, but the love was there. I never had a moments fear that they wouldn't love me any more.

But My daughter HAS been told she is not loved anymore.

There were consequences for her actions. Boundaries were tightened for a time. However the love blossomed and I think I found more ways to show her I care.

I'm only 30. I never thought Id be parenting a teen. I am learning so much every day and enjoying the relationship that I am building with my daughter!


  1. Conditional love is a cyclical problem. It centers on what's best for the person himself and not what is best for the other.

  2. It is very encouraging to see foster parents who wish nothing more then to impose structure, love, and all things good on the children the enter their home. I have friends who were treated less then kindly in the foster care system and this warms my heart. My eyes teared up reading some of your posts because it filled me with joy. I am glad swap bot led me to your blog (angeliclizard of swap bot).